We’re all striving to have more confidence (or at least appear to) even if we don’t quite feel it.

Whilst I truly believe with a passion that being comfortable in your own skin is the single most important thing you can do for yourself – it ain’t always that easy.

Here’s 5 things confident women never say or do.

Ask others what they are wearing

It makes me feel sad when girls do that whole, “What are you wearing tonight?”

Just be yourself ladies!!

I’ve only ever done this once. We were going to a trendy club for drinks. I wasn’t sure of the dress code and was worried my usual look wouldn’t fit in, so asked the girls what they would be wearing. The overriding answer was jeans and a strappy top. So I conformed.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

I hated it. Never again. I didn’t feel like me and the night was spoilt because I felt awkward and uncomfortable wearing something different from my usual ditsy little dress and heels.
Now I listen to my heart and wear something I know I will feel fabulous in, regardless of what everyone else will be wearing.

The tip here is to be okay if you don’t look like everyone else.

Dismiss compliments

We’ve all done it – someone pays us a compliment about how we look and you play it down by saying something along the lines of “oh this old thing? I got it in the sale…”

Ladies, why do we do this?

When someone pays us a compliment – the least we can do is smile and say thank you. A confident woman will also pay others compliments – she’s not threatened by a woman who looks fabulous – she tells her.

The tip here is to smile broadly and accept the damn compliment.

Look to others for approval

An intelligent man once said to me, “Men do not find needy women attractive, confidence is what they’re after”.
Hear what I’m saying?

Not skinny, pretty, rich…they like confident.

A confident woman does her best to look good on all occasions – her version of looking good. And if she is damn happy with the result then anyone else’s opinion is not necessary.

You do not need to ask anyone if you look good. You got this.

The tip here is to trust your own judgement.

Wait to see what everyone else is doing before making a commitment

One thing I dislike is when you invite someone somewhere and they don’t make a decision as to whether they’re coming or not.

I can cope with a “Sorry we can’t make it” I can even cope with an honest “Sorry it’s just not my thing”. But I dislike no reply – particularly if you suspect they are waiting to see who else is going or for a better offer.

Make a decision people.

Decide for yourself what you would like to do and go for it. By waiting for someone else to make a decision you give that person so much power.

Be yourself.

Do what is right for you regardless of everyone else in the group. By doing this you are actually giving others permission to be themselves. You’re showing them how you wish to be treated. They just might look up to you – if they don’t and they make it clear they’re offended then it says a lot about their needs don’t you think?

The tip here is to decide for yourself what you need to do.

Make excuses

There’s nothing worse than an obvious excuse (or lie). I believe you should always make decisions based on what’s best for you. Say yes, say no, agree, decline, own up…whatever needs to be said.

But always be honest.

Don’t feel you have to give reasons and excuses unless specifically asked. Say whatever you need to and move on.

There’s a guilt that hovers around us for the rest of the day when we make excuses.

The tip here is to be honest.

Working with children has taught me that if you have great self esteem you are less likely to be bullied, have friendship issues, suffer from anxiety or feel vulnerable.

You are however, more likely to be successful academically, find it easier to make (and keep) friends and have more resilience when things don’t work out.

The quest to becoming confident is unique for each of us.

It’s not a one size fits all.

Trying just one of these points is a start. These are all skills that, with a little practise can increase your confidence and transform your life.

So make a point of not doing these things. See how empowering it can be.

Proudly wear your party pants and just be yourself!