I love words

When I was younger, the visit to the library was the highlight of my week. I would take out the four book allowance (having already devoured two quickies in the corner!) and then put an extra two on my mom’s library card.

Even then I would be hungry a few days later for something new to read.

I was a Martini reader – “…any time, any place, any where…” I even read under the covers with a torch.

I just couldn’t get enough.

Not content with just reading, I also wrote short stories and made them into books – they were about ducks who could talk and creatures from far away lands!

As a young teen I gorged on political thrillers, risqué romance, even the entire works of Sir Conan Doyle! Oh to have had a ‘teen fiction’ genre back then. I would say I missed out – however, having recently read everything in my local library that constitutes a must have for young adults I confess to being fully satiated!

Sadly, as I grew older somehow my idea of writing children’s stories faded. Adult life took over, as it does and my daily diet of literature became stale, infrequent and virtually non existent.

After a particularly bad time in my life I started this journey of self discovery and you guessed it…I started to read again.

I rekindled my love affair with books, ravenously feeding on self help books, graphic novels and anything on the best-sellers list.

Then I remembered my dreams of being a writer.

I wanted to write.

No. I needed to write.

To me, words are inspiring, healing, defining, moving, educating, exciting, relaxing, motivating, connecting.

So I began finding ways to slip words into my daily routine – a bit of journalling here, a handwritten note there. Soon I was hunting for the perfect quote, putting affirmations on the bathroom mirror and having phrases tattooed on my body.

My life was full of words again.

Then I had an idea to start a blog – a reason to write regularly.

I wanted to share my story, share what I had learned , share how I had found my self belief.

The doubts from my teens and early adult life are still there, as I am by no means an expert.

But I write from the heart, sharing my experiences and pain in a bid to help and inspire others.

Each time I hit publish, I wonder if anyone will read my stuff. But it doesn’t stop me because now I write with a purpose and because it makes my soul sing.

Is there something you used to do that you no longer do?

Find a way to add it to your day. It doesn’t have to be momentous but it does have to be something you want to do, something that feels right when you do it.

Something just for you.

 I found my smile

Five years ago, I had one of those earth shattering experiences that implants itself like a bookmark in your life story. You know the kind where all events are then categorised as “before..” or “after…”

The months and maybe years after said event were a mixture of both blurry, forgotten moments waiting for a memory to be triggered and crystal clear elements that haunted me, popping unannounced into my day.

Today however, does not feel like that.

Today I choose to think only happy thoughts and when my emotions float just below the surface threatening to break through, I pause and acknowledge the feelings. Instead of consuming me, they have their moment and then disappear.

It’s been a long journey.

But I’m here. Stronger than before, authentic and confident too.

I found my smile through journalling, counselling and spending time with myself, searching for the real me.

When you hit rock bottom you have to rebuild yourself.

All of yourself.

It’s hard, but when you’ve experienced pain you have the understanding and courage to share and support others.

I found my smile, I want to help you find yours.

I’m no expert, but I have experience. I don’t know your story, but I’ll share mine. I want to live a happy, fulfilling life and I bet you do to.