5 Things Confident Women Don’t Do

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We’re all striving to have more confidence (or at least appear to) even if we don’t quite feel it.

Whilst I truly believe with a passion that being comfortable in your own skin is the single most important thing you can do for yourself – it ain’t always that easy.

Here’s 5 things confident women never say or do.

Ask others what they are wearing

It makes me feel sad when girls do that whole, “What are you wearing tonight?”

Just be yourself ladies!!

I’ve only ever done this once. We were going to a trendy club for drinks. I wasn’t sure of the dress code and was worried my usual look wouldn’t fit in, so asked the girls what they would be wearing. The overriding answer was jeans and a strappy top. So I conformed.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

I hated it. Never again. I didn’t feel like me and the night was spoilt because I felt awkward and uncomfortable wearing something different from my usual ditsy little dress and heels.
Now I listen to my heart and wear something I know I will feel fabulous in, regardless of what everyone else will be wearing.

The tip here is to be okay if you don’t look like everyone else.

Dismiss compliments

We’ve all done it – someone pays us a compliment about how we look and you play it down by saying something along the lines of “oh this old thing? I got it in the sale…”

Ladies, why do we do this?

When someone pays us a compliment – the least we can do is smile and say thank you. A confident woman will also pay others compliments – she’s not threatened by a woman who looks fabulous – she tells her.

The tip here is to smile broadly and accept the damn compliment.

Look to others for approval

An intelligent man once said to me, “Men do not find needy women attractive, confidence is what they’re after”.
Hear what I’m saying?

Not skinny, pretty, rich…they like confident.

A confident woman does her best to look good on all occasions – her version of looking good. And if she is damn happy with the result then anyone else’s opinion is not necessary.

You do not need to ask anyone if you look good. You got this.

The tip here is to trust your own judgement.

Wait to see what everyone else is doing before making a commitment

One thing I dislike is when you invite someone somewhere and they don’t make a decision as to whether they’re coming or not.

I can cope with a “Sorry we can’t make it” I can even cope with an honest “Sorry it’s just not my thing”. But I dislike no reply – particularly if you suspect they are waiting to see who else is going or for a better offer.

Make a decision people.

Decide for yourself what you would like to do and go for it. By waiting for someone else to make a decision you give that person so much power.

Be yourself.

Do what is right for you regardless of everyone else in the group. By doing this you are actually giving others permission to be themselves. You’re showing them how you wish to be treated. They just might look up to you – if they don’t and they make it clear they’re offended then it says a lot about their needs don’t you think?

The tip here is to decide for yourself what you need to do.

Make excuses

There’s nothing worse than an obvious excuse (or lie). I believe you should always make decisions based on what’s best for you. Say yes, say no, agree, decline, own up…whatever needs to be said.

But always be honest.

Don’t feel you have to give reasons and excuses unless specifically asked. Say whatever you need to and move on.

There’s a guilt that hovers around us for the rest of the day when we make excuses.

The tip here is to be honest.

Working with children has taught me that if you have great self esteem you are less likely to be bullied, have friendship issues, suffer from anxiety or feel vulnerable.

You are however, more likely to be successful academically, find it easier to make (and keep) friends and have more resilience when things don’t work out.

The quest to becoming confident is unique for each of us.

It’s not a one size fits all.

Trying just one of these points is a start. These are all skills that, with a little practise can increase your confidence and transform your life.

So make a point of not doing these things. See how empowering it can be.

Proudly wear your party pants and just be yourself!

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5 Ways I Use Affirmations In My Life

Wondering how you can introduce a little positivity into your day?

Here are my top 5 favourite ideas for keeping those affirmations and mantras in your heart throughout the day.

💛 Without doubt one of my favourite things to do is create my own art by putting postcards in picture frames. It’s inexpensive and so easy to do. This little card is from Paperchase and the frame was from Poundland.

Voila!

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💛 I am so happy when I find a piece of jewellery with a positive affirmation on. This little beauty is from Aspire Style and you can choose to personalise it with words of your choice. Following on from my Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful series I had Be Beautiful Be You engraved on my necklace. It’s the perfect reminder every time I look in the mirror – don’t you think?

*And if you quote ‘Shimmer’ on your order – you will receive a 10% discount on any purchase (except sale items) until 31.10.16.

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💛 I love putting quotes and wise words on my photographs. I use them as inspiration for my posts and on social media. I love finding the perfect photo to illustrate a beautiful saying. There are plenty of apps you can use – try Phonto or Canva to get you started.

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💛 This one maybe a little drastic for some of you. However, I had this done at a particularly low point in my life and I needed something to believe in. I had the line ‘The sun will shine‘ from the Metallica song The Day That Never Comes tattooed on my foot.

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💛 I fuel my stationary habit by buying notebooks with wonderful, wise words on them. I picked this little beauty up from The Works for just a few pounds.

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So there we have it – a few ways you can use affirmations in your life.

You will be happily reminded to stay positive throughout the day whenever you notice them – who knows, others may start noticing them too.

Remember, you got this and never forget that I think you’re amazing!

Want to get to know me a little more?

Today you get two posts as I’m celebrating the milestone that is 500 followers on my blog!

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I feel like an actress who’s just walked onto a stage to collect an Oscar – I want to thank all of you. Thanks for being part of my tribe – I think you’re all amazing (read why here).

So, I thought I’d celebrate by sharing a little more of who I am with you.

So here it is, the A – Z of me:

Accessories– I am seduced by pretty accessories, high heels, red lipstick, painting my nails, jewellery, handbags…you get the idea!

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Beautiful – I look for something beautiful every day; an object, a person or an act

Coffee – couldn’t imagine a world without it…or did I mean to say cocktails? I need both basically!

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Dancing – I love a good old dance around the handbags

Exercise – I don’t always enjoy going but love how it makes me feel!

Feminine – Sometimes I’m girly, sometimes a woman, occasionally a bitch but always proud of who I am!

Gratitude – I live a grateful life and end every day thinking about things that made me smile

Happy – I love making people smile (including myself)

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Inspiration – I love reading all of your blogs and being inspired to create great content. But I also get it from music, art, life’s experiences and talking to people

Juggling – my blog, family and a full time job!

Kids – mine are the best! They are my happy place.

Love – it’s what makes the world go round and can change lives

Music – I have an eclectic taste, depending on what I’m doing and the mood I’m in! Heavy metal, jazz, classical, 80’s hair metal, 90’s club classics all feature on my iPod!

Nature – I love long walks in the fresh air – fields, forests or the beach. Somehow the outdoors soothes my soul.

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Old – I love ‘old stuff’ but I like to call it retro! Think photos, 50s style dresses, Victorian cake stands, vintage jewellery and handbags…

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Poetry – I write poems that I rarely share.

Quotes – if you’re a regular reader, you’ll know I cannot resist a good quote. I get excited when I find one that fits perfectly.

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Romance – I’m an old romantic…think candlelight, roses, soft music, holding hands…swoon!

Shimmer – My blog inspiration. It’s like shining only softer, quieter, prettier and with more class!

Tears – I am emotional. I regularly shed a tear – at films, kind words, stories, spontaneous acts of kindness.

Unique – we should champion our differences. It’s what makes you, you.

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Volume – I like life to be quiet unless I’m in the gym, then the music in my ears needs to be loud (and heavy!)

Wishes – I make them all the time. Every time I see a white feather, a rainbow or blow a dandelion clock.

Xoxo – hugs and kisses are so important to me and I need them everyday.

You – I love connecting with everyone who leave messages on my blog.

Zzzzz – my bed is my favourite place to be.

Hope you enjoyed this random list of things you didn’t know about me – don’t take it too seriously!

Tell me one random thing you’d love me to know about yourself in the comments below.

Nicky xo

One Simple Truth you Need to Increase Your Happiness

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How happy are you?

How do you define happiness?

On a scale of 1 – 10 or I’ll be happy when..?

What does happy look like to you?

To me, it’s my kids…food in my cupboard…time spent alone…a good book…pottering in the garden…helping someone find their smile…surprise gifts…chocolate cake…

What’s stopping you from being completely happy? 

Your situation? Other people? Lack of time? Or money?

All of the above?

The thing is, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be happy, that we rarely spend any time doing it! You can read books on how to be happy, attend workshops to help you find your happiness, listen to guided meditations….the list goes on.

Did you ever wonder why some people seem to just be happy, no matter what life throws at them?

I’m guessing it’s because they’ve realised one simple truth…

“Happiness is a choice”

No, honestly it is.

And it starts once you realise that life isn’t about being perfect.

We get stressed and upset when things don’t go our way or how we had planned them. We tell ourselves that if it goes this way we will be happy. We let circumstance dictate our happiness.

We decide that there is only one perfect outcome and anything less than this is wrong and therefore we will be unhappy.

Do you see how crazy that is?

ONE perfect outcome and A MILLION ways to get it wrong. So basically you’re giving yourself a million to one chance to be happy everyday!

Let’s start flexing our flexibility bone people. There isn’t a perfect way to live. It’s nigh on impossible to be perfect all the time – and why would you want to?

We are human beings. We mess up. We make mistakes. We change our minds. We get stuff wrong. We say the wrong thing. We make wrong decisions. We create chaos.

It’s what makes us human.

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Stop striving to be perfect, don’t judge others, start paying attention to the little things that make you smile, be grateful, do stuff for other people, look after yourself more, decide every morning that you’re going to be happy and start enjoying life exactly as it is.

You’ll be amazed at how happy you can be, once you make your mind up.

Grab your Pom-Poms – 5 quotes to inspire your inner cheerleader

We all have times when we feel stuck or lost, deflated or frustrated, unhappy or unimpressed with some part of our lives.

From time to time it’s normal to question the choices we’re making, wonder where our lives are headed or lose all motivation to change.

Sometimes you need a little pick me up.

Someone championing you from the sidelines like your own personal cheerleader.

We can all be a great friend to others; supporting them through dark days; cheering them up when things aren’t going how they’d planned; being generous with gifts or words to brighten someone’s day.

But how often do we do this for ourselves?

When was the last time you bought yourself flowers, or treated yourself to an afternoon on the sofa with that book you’ve been meaning to read for ages?

When did you last commend yourself on a job well done or look in the mirror and smile at the beautiful reflection?

I’m guessing many of you are thinking, “Not very often” or perhaps even “…err never?”

I believe in self care – I think it’s instrumental in proving to yourself that you are important. You are an amazing human being and you are so worth it. Cue hair swish!

So, here are 5 quotes to inspire you; to help you see you can unlock the power of self belief; to motivate you to become your own cheerleader.

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It starts with you and your thoughts. Keep them positive.

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Stay true to what you know and believe about yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others.

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Make a difference. Stand out from the crowd. Be known for the little things.

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Try new stuff – find what makes your soul sing.

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You know what you need to do.

I think you’re amazing – read why here. You’re wiser and stronger than you think you are.

Believe in yourself and trust you know what actions you need to take to become the best version of yourself.

Grab your pom-poms.

Be. Your. Own. Cheerleader.