Years ago, I sat at a place called rock bottom and I didn’t know who I was.
I had lost all sense of the person I once was. I was numb for the longest time and wandered aimlessly through my day. I had been stripped bare – the person I once was no longer existed.
Thankfully after some time (the biggest healer), some counselling (difficult but necessary) and a lot of self love (the most important thing you can do for yourself), I started to rebuild a stronger, more authentic version of myself.
As part of this process I questioned everything I used to know or do. Every day I wondered, who I was and who I was going to become?
I knew I wasn’t the person I used to be – grief had literally changed every element of my life and I needed to find myself again.
So I started to write lists.
It was that simple.
In a (sometimes) desperate attempt to regain control and believe that I hadn’t lost my mind, I compiled list after list of things that I knew to be true; lists of my favourite things, how I wanted to look, my values, things that annoyed me, memories, things that made me smile and so on.
It seems so simple looking back – yet these exercises helped me rebuild the ‘new’ version of myself and these exercises helped me believe. Believe that I would survive the storm, that deep down I still knew myself even if it was a different version.
So, why do I share this with you?
Because I know I’m not the only person to have ever gone through this. But I went through it alone and I would have given anything for someone to have shared their story with me. If you can identify with what I’m saying, I want you to know you are not alone and I’m sharing my story with you. Even if these exercises aren’t what you need right now, I want you to believe in something.
Believe you can survive one more day.
Believe you will become strong again.
Believe you are still you deep down – even if you’re having trouble seeing it.
So ask yourself today “What do I believe in?”
Make a simple list of your beliefs, things that are true for you right now. Make it as personal as you like, short as you like, colourful as you like, about whatever you like.
Acknowledge what’s going on for you right now and reflect on what comes to the surface. It’s a starting point. And sometimes that’s enough.
All the answers you’ll ever need are waiting to be realised, waiting to be released.
I said that.
I still make lists, you can read about my love of lists here. But today, I can summarise where I’m at in one beautiful list.
in a thing called love ~ everything is an opportunity for learning ~ I am enough ~ eventually the sun will shine ~ you should unfriend unfriendliness ~ a kind word can change someone’s day ~ in being true to yourself ~ you need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else ~ being afraid can help you grow ~ you need to work on your self esteem every single day ~ I am going to make mistakes and that’s okay ~ life is to be enjoyed ~ sometimes you need to put yourself first ~ in a little extra effort ~ happiness is a choice ~ excitement should be pursued ~ you know more than you think you do ~ in the magic of a new day ~ inspiration is there to be found ~ life lessons are repeated until you learn them ~ tears are healing ~ you don’t need as many friends as you think you do ~ you should listen to your heart ~ in opportunities ~ I am strong enough ~ other people’s opinion of you is none of your business ~ authenticity is more attractive than perfection ~ gratitude is the key to everything ~
I believe these things with all my heart. They are true for me even if they’re not for you.
What do you believe in?