“Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business”, I once told my daughter.
It was born out of a conversation we were having about peer pressure and the trials and tribulations of navigating teenage relationships.
I could identify.
As an unconfident teenager I was constantly seeking approval from my peers, desperately trying to fit in.
I changed my look to theirs, went places they went to, I compromised, I agreed to things I didn’t want to and allowed myself to be used by people who pretended to be my friend when it suited them.
If only I could go back and tell my younger self to walk away.
That it would be better to be alone than in such damaging relationships; that none of these people ‘had my back’ and that I was wasting my time – they were never going to like me the way I wanted them too.
It all changed for me when I started dating a boy from another school and gained a whole new set of friends They were real friends who weren’t concerned with how I looked, what music I listened to and actually championed each other’s individuality and definitely had each other’s backs.
Then, do you know what happened?
I became desirable.
That’s right! My ‘so called’ friends wanted to hang out with me and my new friends. They wanted invites to the things I was doing and places I was going.
So, what had caused this enormous shift? I hear you ask…
It was simple.
I stopped caring what they thought of me.
I realised that their opinion of me was holding me back. So I told myself that I didn’t need them to like me.
I shifted the focus onto myself and became more concerned with my thoughts and my behaviour and less about theirs. I had become more confident in myself and stopped looking for validation elsewhere; which in turn made them want to know more about me as I was no longer an open book who was easy to read.
It was the start of a beautiful relationship with myself.
I had discovered the power that is unleashed when you realise that your opinion is the only one you should listen to.
Deep down you know.
You know how to be authentic.
You know how you wish to be seen.
You know your desires, wishes and dreams.
You know how you want to feel when you wake up each morning.
You know the kind of life you want to live.
People can be quick to give an opinion, criticise or gossip. Almost everyone has an opinion on everyone.
But you cannot let those opinions stop you from being who you’re meant to be, doing what you love or following your dreams.
When I’m upset by something someone has said or done – I go back to the mantra “It says more about them than it does me”. You don’t have to speak every thought that pops into your head – unless it’s a kind one, compliment or praise. I try to see why they may have said what they did, whether their intention was to harm or not.
I try to not take things personally any more. I know where my life needs improving; I don’t need you to point it out thank you very much. And if I do need a little prompt – do it with love.
I wonder, where in your life do you find other people’s opinions of you are holding you back?
Stop spending your energy on people who are holding you back and start devoting it to someone who truly deserves to be liked by you.
You.
Great advice. I was always a people pleaser and I’m trying to be my authentic self more now. It can be a struggle not to revert back to what makes the others’ happy though.
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It can – but you know what’s best for you…start listening to your heart, it knows what’s best for you 🙂
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I love this ! It’s so powerful this is something I’ve learned what you think is the only thing that matters. Thanks for sharing
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It is indeed – but it take a while to get to that point. You need to believe in yourself above all else 💋
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Absolutely it really does but at the end of the day you have to live life for you.
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You are so right x
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What an empowering post, love it. 🙂
Thank you for a lovely way to start my Friday.
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You’re very welcome – have a great weekend 🙂
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This was an amazing post. Thank you. I wish I had had this years ago. I’m grateful that I realized this a while ago.
I hope to raise my future child or children like you are with yours.
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Hopping over from Nikki’s Posts of Note. Your daughter is lucky to have someone with such insight as a mother 🙂
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Aaaah thanks 🙂
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Great post! I discovered it from A Kinder Way- Glad I did 🙂
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Nice to meet you – glad you found me 🙂
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Great original quote and perspective! It took me about 45 years to get there!!
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But at least you’re there now – and that’s what counts 💛
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Fantastic. I really wrestled with this for a long time and now in my 40’s I can honestly say ‘I don’t need you to like me’
It’s quite liberating.
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It is indeed – why waste time and energy trying to get people to like you when the truth is you’re fabulous just as you are 🙂
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Hi again! I wanted you to know that I shared this post in my Posts of Note today. 🙂
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Nice one, Nicky👍
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Excellent. I loved this so much. I couldn’t agree more. I went through a similar phase and now whenever I make a decision, I tell myself “fuck it.” I only live once. Why should I allow others to tell me what makes me happy? There is no good reason. Thank you for this awesome post
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You go girl!!
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Awesome post!
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I like everything that you said on this post Nikki. I could imagine myself telling the exact things to my daughter when the proper time comes. ☺
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Definitely do – peer pressure is awful! Children need to be their own kind of beautiful 🙂
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I like how you put it that way… “be their own kind of beautiful”. One day, I’ll write a post on that line. 🙂
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Yes do. I’d love to read it 💛
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Very well said. Also, I agree completely.
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This is an awesome post! Other than that I’m kind of lost for words. Thanks for sharing this!
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Ahh thanks Johanna 🙂
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